Relationship/Couple Counselling
Couples counselling provides a structured place to understand what is happening between you and decide how you want your relationship to move forward.
When familiar ways of relating are no longer working
Couples seek counselling for many different reasons. Some are facing a particular crisis, such as infidelity, separation, financial pressure or a loss of trust. Others have gradually become disconnected and no longer feel heard, understood or emotionally close.
Conflict may have become repetitive, with the same disagreement returning without resolution. One partner may pursue discussion while the other withdraws. Conversations may quickly become defensive, critical or silent. At other times, there is little open conflict, but affection, intimacy and enjoyment have diminished.
Relationships are also affected by changes outside the couple. Parenting, blended families, career demands, health concerns, grief, retirement and caring responsibilities can all place pressure on the relationship.
Couples counselling is not about identifying which partner is right or treating one person as the problem. It focuses on the dynamic between you, including the patterns that have developed, the needs that are not being expressed or understood and the strengths that may still be present.
Nor does counselling begin with an assumption that every couple should remain together. For some couples, the work supports repair and renewed commitment. For others, it helps them make thoughtful decisions about separation or develop a more respectful way of parting.
How couples counselling can help
As your relationship counsellor, I will be on the side of each of you and of the relationship itself. I provide a calm and reflective setting in which difficult issues can be explored without allowing one person’s perspective to dominate.
My role is not to fix either of you. It is to help you understand what happens between you, ask questions that open new possibilities and support both of you in taking responsibility for the changes you can make.
Couples counselling may help you to:
- identify repeated cycles of conflict or withdrawal;
- communicate feelings and needs more clearly;
- listen without immediately defending, correcting or counterattacking;
- understand the meaning beneath recurring disagreements;
- rebuild emotional or physical intimacy;
- address breaches of trust or infidelity;
- manage differences involving parenting, family or finances;
- reduce resentment and unspoken expectations;
- recognise the strengths that remain within the relationship;
- decide whether and how the relationship should continue; or
- separate with greater clarity, dignity and cooperation.
My approach to working with couples
I generally meet with both partners during the first session. I then meet with each partner individually on one occasion before we come together again to develop a plan for our work.
Relationship counselling can involve intense emotions. Drawing on my earlier experience as a family lawyer, I hold the counselling space firmly, compassionately and flexibly. This allows difficult matters to be addressed while maintaining respect for both partners.
My work with couples is confidential, but I operate a no-secrets approach between partners. Information disclosed to me individually that is relevant to the relationship may need to be brought into the joint counselling process. I will explain this approach clearly before individual sessions take place.
Meaningful relationship change generally requires a series of sessions rather than a single conversation. We will regularly consider what progress is being made and whether the counselling approach continues to meet your needs.
Finding a constructive way forward
Couples counselling cannot guarantee a particular outcome. It can create the conditions in which both people can understand the relationship more clearly, make informed choices and begin responding to each other in more constructive ways.
The goal is not simply to reduce conflict. It is to help you determine what a healthier and more sustainable relationship could look like, whether together or apart.
Articles
When Trust is Broken
Emma and Jason had been together for 12 years, raising two young children in Auckland. Life was busy but stable—work, school, routines. From the outside, nothing seemed out of place. That changed in an instant. One evening, Emma discovered messages on Jason’s phone. What she first hoped was a misunderstanding
01.
Next Steps & 15-minute free initial consultation.
Discover if we are a good fit
02.
Book Your Counselling Sessions
I generally find it takes a minimum of six sessions to get the best outcomes with couples.
For this reason, I offer a prepaid discounted rate of $750 incl GST for six consecutive couples counselling sessions.
03.
Results
It isn’t about “fixing” you (because you’re not broken). It’s about understanding your relationship, asking the right questions at the right time and in the right way and seeing new possibilities.
Communication with your other professional advisors.
Sometimes couple counselling clients are working with other professionals (such as lawyers, accountants, or medical professionals) in connection with their relationship issues. If clients authorise me to communicate with their other advisors, I can do so.
Please note,I do not provide clients with any legal advice in our counseling work or otherwise.